The beginning, middle, and End...

Monster Truck boy is on his way here now… He’s probably half way here already… I’ve cleaned my apartment thoroughly and am relatively ready for this weekend company.  Bad news is I’m on my damn period!  I’m praying it ends tonight and gives me at least the rest of the weekend… I even went out and bought condoms to protect him from my nasty friend… Good lord, why must it come when the one guy out of the ones I’ve dated over the past few months that I actually really really like is available.  He’s back on tour next week and gone out of the friggin country for the next few weeks… come on!

So I have to go back to work in just a couple of weeks and I’ve noticed my lazy summer has packed on a few pounds… so after most of my pants no longer fit I feel like a complete cow and must lose these extra pounds before I go back to work!!

I took the boys to the local amusement park last night to watch fireworks and so they could ride some of their favorite rides.  Their father was supposed to buy one of their passes and I the other but he backed out saying he never had time to take them.  I bought both and didn’t think twice because we use them a lot.

So last night we’re walking to their favorite water ride and we run into their father… with his date.  **Awkward**.  Poor girl looked like a deer in headlights.  He met her on one of the online dating sites he used to make fun of so often.  So not only did she suddenly come face to face with his kids with no warning, but also me, the ex!  lol

I have a confession that I just erased because I can’t even admit it here. 

I still miss my ex bf… but after a year it’s not so much him I miss, but what we had.  I miss having a relationship that made me so completely happy.  I miss having someone to go to sleep next to and wake up next to often.  I miss waking up next to someone and wishing I didn’t have to get up, all because I didn’t want to leave his side.  Ahhh… I certainly hope to find that kind of relationship again someday.  And hopefully the next one will be with a guy who wants the same outcome that I do.

I’ve tried to be nice to my ex lately.  I really have.  For the sake of my kids and sanity I’v3e tried.  I even loaned him the kids amusement park passes so he could take them, even though he hasn’t paid a cent towards them.  So today I asked him to meet me closer to my eye doctor (where we actually meet most of the time anyway) and he refused.  I just needed to friggin pick up my glasses before they closed and he wanted to be a douche and refuse.  He made me drive two miles further into the city which doesn’t sound like much, but is actually another 20 minutes round trip in rush hour traffic.  Oh how I hate that friggin man!!!!!  Absolutely hate him.  So I’m done.  I’m done being nice.  I’m done doing anything that could be considered nice.  He can’t handle it and he never reciprocates.  Why can’t he just be a friggin grown up once in a while????

I am Bipolar.  I’ve only told two guys I’ve dated because number one wouldn’t have left me for the world and number two, well, I just didn’t care whether he left me or not.  Telling someone I’m dating scares the hell out of me.  I have no idea when the right time to tell someone would be.

One of the reasons my marriage broke up was because he used to do sexual stuff to me while I was asleep.  If he woke me up he would pretend to be asleep.  Then he would lie about it when I would question him.  He finally confessed while we were going through marriage counseling.  I couldn’t get over it.